Recognized by Russia as Independent:Russian Peacekeepers Sent to Berkley

In a predictable turn of events, Russian peackeepers have arrived in Berkley, CA. For too long the oppression of the small California town has gone on despite it’s calls for peace love and understanding. While the Russians have not offered peace, love, or understanding as of yet, it was greeted with cheers from the new state of Moveonia.

The writing on the wall could not have been clearer. This left-wingnut town has long been a bastion of socialism and intolerance. As the Russian troops arrived, there were reports of ethnic cleansing at the hands of local PETA and Code Pink activist. Several janitors and groundskeepers from the state funded university were driven from their homes. One janitor was seen carrying his last carton of smuggled Marlborough Reds, and a copy of Sports Illustrated’s 1998 Swimsuit issue.

The first order of business will be to establish a local food co-op and a babushka distribution center. Admittedly a tall task, as none of Berkley’s 102,000 new Moveonians can actually cultivate food, or actually sustain themselves without their weekly check from their parents. It is unclear how the new socio-economic structure will work as it is all socio and no economic.

Defensive plans have already been put in place by the self appointed local militia GLAD. In what seems to be a well planned resistance force, stockpiles of camouflaged pants and flannel shirts were distributed. Patrols have been seen circling City Hall in well armed Toyota Prius.

The announcement of the Moveonian Air Drop, said to rival that of Berlin, was to begin delivering falafel and over 200 tons of gluten free wheat to this breakaway state. “It is going to be rough”, said one incoming freshman”I know at this rate, we already have enough soap and razors to support our needs until 2052″. It is uncertain if and when supplies of ITunes cards would dry up, but it has left cause for concern among the residents.

No response has been released by either the White House or the California State House. Reporters have noticed a droning sound emanating from both locations resembling a “long drawn out chuckle or cackle” .

Moveonia is here to stay. The next big test will come at semester break, when many local residents take part in the annual Greenpeace Regatta. Here is hoping for their continued success.


~ by gotea on August 26, 2008.

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