God: Now a 4 Letter Word? I Must Share Some of the Blame.


I normally avoid religious posts. I am not the best Christian and, I don’t attend church on Sundays anymore. I am, in fact, a sinner. God still plays a part in my everyday life. If I want him to or not.

I was born in a large city, at age 3 I moved to a rural Indiana town. My family attended a small church of 120 people. In a small town, church is a community. Today’s mega-churches don’t appeal to me. It is hard to get close to 1000 people. Both types for fellowship have their own benefits and drawbacks. Politics and Church go hand in hand in a small town. It was a big turnoff, or “turn away”. At age 18, I rebelled like many people at that age. At 21 I returned to college, a Baptist College. I am a better man for it.

I said some horrible things to my mother. I believed the doctrine being preached across Europe and in many “progressive” parts of the USA. God was not necessary for me. Well, that was until I needed him. At 18, life may have seemed very challenging. It was. In my mid 30’s I wish it was that easy once again. I was the smartest person I ever met, and my parents suffered because of it. See, I didn’t need God at age 18 like I need him now, or so I thought.

Look across the world and I now understand the generational disconnect. I understand the damage I had done in my own small circle. We are all tested. I failed then, and I fail now, every day. I struggle to think what I could have done if the internet was as prevalent in 1992. I had many causes to fight for, and most of them are still good ones. Why I fought against God, I do not know.

We were, and are told that an enlightened society does not need faith. The people of Europe have embraced socialism and shunned personal accountability. Read any news from the BBC or Der Spiegel, and you will see America slammed because it holds to faith. It hopes to erode the faith of a nation built on faith, by the faithful and replace it with philosophy. At 18 I ate it up, today my stomach is still unsettled. Faith is what you use when philosophy fails you. The United States without faith will fail.

Why am I writing this? I hope that somewhere an 18 year old kid may read this, and think twice about following my path to faith. No, I never became and evil person. The lessons taught at a young age guided me in my decisions, no matter what justification I gave them. I have great parents, but many don’t share my luck. They still pick me up when I fall. They hold forgivness in their hearts along with unconditional love. All of this, despite the fact I helped make God a 4 letter word.

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~ by gotea on September 19, 2008.

One Response to “God: Now a 4 Letter Word? I Must Share Some of the Blame.”

  1. Wow! That testimony comes out of your heart, brother. I am a Vietnam veteran, and like you, I was raised in a small Pentecostal church where my father was the pastor. Imagine a teenager in the middle of the youth revolution. I found myself in the Vietnam jungles. When I came out I became an atheists, suffering the traumas from the war. But on day I found myself like you, and one day, in my room, alone, I asked Jesus to help me and come to heal my broken heart and spirit. Since then, no matter what church I go to, small or large, all I want is to have a moment with Him. (Soon will be published my book “The prayer of Jonah” – From the deapth of Vietnam jungles. By the way, have you heard about the striking paralelism existing between 9/11 terrorist acts and the 9-11 verses in the Bible? http://www.911andthebible.com

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